Love in marriage is indeed a " decision"... Not just a feeling.

During one of my live seminars, a woman asked me a common question. She
said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there
was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your
husband?" In all seriousness she answered, "how do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing
on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has *a cycle*. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it
was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO
anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love" because *it's happening* TO
YOU. People in love sometimes say, *"I was swept of my feet." *Think about
the imagery of that ex-pression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. *It's a passive and spontaneous experience*.

But after a few years of marriage, *the euphoria of love fades*. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a
bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens),
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, *drive you nuts*.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think
about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between *the
initial stage* when you were in love and *a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage. *

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the
right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the
love you once had, *you may begin to desire that experience with someone
else*. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their
unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital
fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive
TV, or abusive substances. But *the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie
outside your marriage. It lies within it. *

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few
years later. Because (listen carefully) *THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND*
.

SUSTAINING love is not *a passive or spontaneous experience*. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. *You can't "find" LASTING love*. *You have to "make" it
day in and day out*. That's why we have the ex-pression "the labor of
love."*(Marriage
is work in Progress).* Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it takes *WISDOM*. *You have to know* WHAT TO DO to make your
marriage work.

And make no mistake about it. *Love is NOT a mystery*. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), *there
are also laws for relationships*. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, *certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger.* *It's a direct cause and effect*. If you
know and apply the laws, the results are predictable "you can make" love.

*Love in marriage is indeed a " decision"... Not just a feeling.*

From: "7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage" by the author of Marriage Fitness,
Mort Fertel.